Do I Really Have Trauma? A Take from an EMDR Therapist.

It was like any other day when my new client walked in to my office. She was suffering from acute and debilitating anxiety and depression. Just trying to find happiness again, she came to me for help. "I have a beautiful life with beautiful children and a wonderful husband, I don't know what is wrong with me." She had no major traumas that she was aware of and no major life stressors. Why then could she not leave the house or be around people without extreme anxiety?

As an EMDR Therapist, I specialize in helping others heal from trauma. So often I hear, "I had a wonderful childhood, nothing bad to report," or "I don't have any trauma." I've come to realize that many do not fully understand what trauma is or the effects it can have on us. With my clients, I define trauma as, "anything too overwhelming for our system to handle." Typically we can have "Big T" traumas or "Little T" traumas.

I define "Big T" traumas as those big, one-off, life events that forever change us. "Little T" traumas I explain are those chronic, every day moments where needs weren't met, attachment wounds are prevalent or faulty parenting strategies create micro wounds that build up over time. Both types have lasting effects on us and both types are valid.

But, how can I know I have trauma if its different for everyone?

Trauma always gives us signs. We don't just one day wake up with emotional issues and debilitating mental illness. These signs are what we call symptoms and triggers. A symptom can be anything from negative behavior patterns and addiction to anxiety and hypervigilance. It is anything that interrupts normal, every-day functioning and is not categorized as an innate part of who you are. A trigger is typically a stimulus in your environment, known or unknown, that causes an immediate negative shift in your emotional and mental state.

I like to describe trauma as a weed. We have the top of the weed, symptoms and triggers. We can simply mow across the top and get rid of what we see - learning coping skills and talking about our experiences can bring some brief relief. To fully kill a weed though, you need to get to the root - where the trauma originates.

Fast forward with my client, we would later uncover many experiences where her needs weren't fully met by her caregivers. Things that don't sound any large alarm bells or would qualify for Child Protective Services to be involved. However, neglect and abuse can take many forms and unfortunately is way too prevalent and normalized in many families.

As humans, we are innately made with needs for connection, acceptance, attunement and love. When we do not receive these needs or they are inconsistent, it creates trauma. Our nervous system has to adapt to try and get our needs met and that is often in maladaptive and unhealthy ways. We learn "I'm not safe," and, "I'm not lovable" or even "I am bad" which then shapes the rest of our brain's pre-programming for how we navigate this world.

This then shows up as things like social anxiety, addictive behaviors, anger/rage, inability to handle conflict, among others. These symptoms interrupt our days and cause problems in our relationships. Ultimately, we are unable to always show up the way we'd like to. In extreme cases, like my client, it prevents you from hardly living at all.

Thankfully, we aren't doomed to just deal with these negative symptoms and beliefs for the rest of our lives. Things like EMDR Therapy help heal those wounded places in our lives, getting to the root of the problem so we can then be freed up to live whole, healthy and fulfilling lives.

My client is no exception, with consistent EMDR Therapy, I started to see her little by little unwind the tangled mess inside her. One by one, her traumatic experiences were reprocessed and we saw her nervous system become more and more balanced. She recently shared with me that she went to a large social event, all by herself, not knowing anyone, and had a great time. No panic attacks, no anxiety. Just confidence, excitement and security.

She is now able to regulate herself, show up for not only for herself but for her family and is no longer just surviving but thriving. This is the work. Healing so you can be fully you without the weight of trauma.

So, do you have trauma? As an EMDR Therapist who has treated numerous clients, I would say, most likely. Don't wait to get the help you need, you're missing out on a life well lived.